This month marks the two year anniversary of Inaara becoming profoundly deaf. I remember those days felt so dark and lonely when my husband and I were trying to figure out what our options were and how we were going to make sure that our child would continue to thrive. The decision for cochlear implants, for our family, was a no brainer. However, people don’t realise the challenges that mothers have with a hearing child and a deaf child.
Motherhood in general is a life-long learning process. Having a deaf child makes it extremely challenging because sometimes I don’t know if the way that I used to mother her, and the way that I mother Halden is effective for her. Not only am I also learning to be a mom everyday, I am also learning to be a mom with a child who is deaf. When Inaara achieves milestones or doesn’t I dont know if it’s because she is deaf or if its because she’s just not at the right age, or if she is struggling with something that maybe I am unaware of.
I find that I am always repeating myself and I don’t know if its because she’s at the age where she is ignoring me, or if she really doesn’t understand what I am asking of her because she can’t process the sounds and directions as clearly as a child who can hear. Halden is also younger than her, so I don’t have a comparison for Inaara because she is my oldest child.
Inaara was born with hearing, and so many of the things that deaf children struggle with are not the same as her. However, she is deaf and so there are still struggles she faces that I may not be aware of. For example, background noise — does it bother her? I ask her all the time because it doesn’t seem to affect Halden and she never complains about it. Does she need a “hearing break”? I hear that many moms who have deaf children will give their children hearing breaks, but does she need that?
I find it challenging connecting with mothers whose children were born deaf and don’t have a hearing child. Because their approach is completely different and their challenges are different than mine.
Motherhood is a trip.. and you never really know if you are doing a good enough job.
